sometimes things just won’t go in your way.. i just hate what is going on. DAMN!
i only got myself and only i own me.. i have no one to count on to.. i have no where to go but not far away enough in this familiar, old but unwelcome house that i have stayed for about 20 years. things seems so different when i was younger but the rel world and the things that goes with it… is revealing in front of my eyes as the days, weeks, months and years go pass by. nobody really cared. nobody even stayed with me for the longest time. people tend to come stay and eventually go.. come back but not so long.. they go and never come back. if they do, they just be there somewhere i would not even notice that they still exist.. exist in my world.. others have no choice, i could not even choose them to go nor stay. its family. He who places me here but though that is the thing… they still want to set their place a little father than usual family bond. i can’t blame anyone. i can only blame myself. if its just me who pushes people away or it is them that really can’t understand how things so around me. either way… whatever angle it may seem… it all comes to me who have me. me who cares and me who truly only make sense. others tried to love me. but i am always SECOND BEST. if he has a choice, he would want nothing to do with me but just to be there for him. this how shit happens. how shit works. and how it will never change until my time is up…. i just hope its up sooner that it used to be.